#22 - Rachell Weiss: Skip the Small Talk is Connecting People Around the World

Chris Miller: Then I think would go much further, you know, particularly because you are affiliated with Skip the Small Talk, and let's just hop right in. Yeah, tell me about Skip the Small Talk, because it's something that I'm interested in, and I actually reached out to you, and I got to hear a little bit more about it. And then after that, we were like, hey, yeah, let's get together. So I'll start it off by let's just talk about Skip the Small Talk. So what is skip the small talk.
Rachell Weiss: Skip the Small Talk is an event for people connecting. So it's a structure where you come in as a guest, and we give you the baseline to have conversations with other guests who are strangers, and then you provide the entertainment. You, uh, will have ten minute conversations with the people who also came to the event, and we give you the prompt. So we set the time limits. And then you find a new partner. You do a new prompt, new conversation, new partner, new prompt, new conversation, and you just connect.
Chris Miller: Nice. So every 10 minutes you switch. And then how many prompts for one person?
Rachell Weiss: Um, so each person will always have a prompt. So I end up saying the same thing. It's kind of routine at this point, but we tell them you can be overachievers and you can answer both questions. You can pick one card and answer that question, or pick the other card and both answer that question. Or you can always come up with your own question every time.
Chris Miller: Oh, wow. So we could go off script and not use the card.
Rachell Weiss: You can go off script. The only caveat to that is we encourage you not to go off script to make it easy. So some of these questions really make you think. And so naturally, uh, as a human, you want to take the easiest route. So if you want to detour and talk about movies, it's like, well, that's not really the point of the event. The point is really to make you think and drive those deeper conversations. So we talk about when you first read a question prompt card, your initial reaction might be, I don't know. And, uh, it's not I don't know forever. It's I don't know yet. So give yourself a second to think and ponder. Maybe let your partner go first, and then that might trigger you of what you want to say and continue to that conversation.
Chris Miller: Oh, that's awesome. I don't know yet. There's a typical question or a particular question I ask, and it's near the end of podcasts, and I don't ask it all the time, but I ask, if there was one thing that you wish more people knew about you, what do you think it would be? And people always start by saying, oh, I don't know, I don't know if I have anything. And then we'll ramble a little bit and they'll be like, but, uh, actually so that's a really good framework. Okay, so I am immediately interested in this. Whenever I hear about it. I'm meeting with someone who does conversation for a living. They are incredible at conversation, and we're talking about the importance of people getting connected, mhm. And they're like, for instance, there's a coffee shop over here called Bare Necessities, and people show up and pay to talk to people. And I'm like, what? They're like, yeah, they will pay a fee, and they'll sit down and they have a facilitated activity, and the whole entire thing is conversation.
Rachell Weiss: Mhm?
Chris Miller: And I was like, wow. And then the more that I look into this, I started this podcast because I wanted to encourage people to connect to those around them. And I had, like, the communication background, and I would look at all of these different research studies. Just this past week, the Surgeon General is on a media tour all about the loneliness epidemic. He's talking all about how not being in conversation with people is equivalent to 15 cigarettes a day. It will be equivalent to not having as much meaning in your life. It is synonymous, uh, with high rates of or an increased rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. So there's all these different things. I'm like, okay, we need to get people to talk to people. So I create the podcast because I want to showcase what that looks like, but also inspire people whenever they're listening. But then I look at you all and you all actually creating the events and going from city to city to get this all started, to orchestrate all of it. So how did it start?
Rachell Weiss: Yeah, so, um, a lot of parallels with what you just described. So, our founder is Ashley Kirsner, and she is based out of Boston. And, uh, she originally was going for her PhD in psychology. And, uh, uh, at the time when she was in school, she would, uh, work the suicide hotline. And every time she was on the suicide hotline and talking to someone, one of the questions they ask is, do you have people in your life that you could talk to and you could share these things with? And the general response was, yeah, but I don't want to burden them with that, and I don't want to share it. But they would tell you anything you wanted to hear on the call, and they'd go really in depth on these really intense topics, but they wouldn't share it with the people in their lives. And, uh, so, uh, from that, she had the idea of let's just get people together to really have these deeper conversations and to open up to other people and allow that space. Because a lot of the times when you're in a public space and you're talking to someone, you keep it high level. You don't want to go into the nitty gritty. You don't want to go into the deep things and uh, it's hard to have those conversations. And so she got together with some friends and decided to, uh, put together an event in a park. And they started a Facebook event of, hey, we're just going to try this. Come on out. And 300 people showed up. Wow. I want to say it was six or seven years ago and they had an amazing event. It was supposed to go for like an hour and a half. And after like 6 hours they were telling people, I'm leaving. Like, you guys can stay when I'm going to go. And they had the most amazing event and she started talking to people about it and the success of it. And they were like, you need to run with this, do something with it. So she decided to stop pursuing her degree and switch to Skip the Small Talk full time. Um, started in Boston. Boston has had amazing success. They now differentiate. There is, uh, open to all Skip the Small Talk events, which is your traditional event that we have here in Kansas City. But then they also do specialized events for BIPOC specific events, um, queer, uh, events. And then they also do a dating version of it as well. And uh, so they're hosting events two or three times a week every week and selling out consistently. And then about two years ago, they started to expand into other cities. So now we're in 13 cities. And we actually just hosted an event in Paris too.
Chris Miller: Wow. International. International.
Rachell Weiss: Very excited about it.
Chris Miller: That is awesome. So then it's no longer skip the small talk? I wonder how to say that in French?
Rachell Weiss: I have no idea.
Chris Miller: Yeah, I bet it sounds better.
Rachell Weiss: Totally sounds better. Uh, Skip the Small Talk has a central team that does some of the back end work. But then we have Facilitators across the world. And uh, one of our central team is actually based in Germany. And he went to the event in Paris and couldn't understand anything they were saying because he doesn't speak French. But he said it was the most amazing thing to sit there and listen to them just speaking French about Skip the Small Talk. It was awesome.
Chris Miller: Yeah, that is awesome. Ashley starts it, she's in Boston and people can look this up. We got the Boston Globe talking about Skip the Small Talk, but the psychology background is interesting to me and that's going to be a move that I make here soon. It's already in the works. But getting psychologists on this podcast because the interdisciplinary approach is really important, like having the background of why do we want to talk to people? Why don't we want to talk to people? Why is it so important? And the prompt cards that you all use, from my understanding, have benefited from that psychology background because it's like testing these questions against other questions. Right?
Rachell Weiss: Mhm, yeah. All of the questions have backing in psychology to make sure that they're not just random assortment of questions, right? Like they really do make you think and they foster that connection. Um, there is a large parallel. If you've ever heard of 38 Questions. It's, um, a study that was done, it's like 38 Questions to Fall in Love and it's, ah, a way for people who want to foster a connection with someone because, uh, especially on dating apps, right? Like you try to make a connection with someone and trying to get that conversation going can be challenging. And so, ah, there actually is a study and a result of 38 Questions to Fall in Love and you will see parallels across our questions as well because it fosters connection. You're sharing experiences, you're sharing your backgrounds, you're thinking about the future. You, uh, are really pondering on how there are trends or things that inspired you. And those are things that you'll find in our questions as well. Because it fosters an immediate connection with someone. Because you only have 10 minutes in each of the rounds. But you will see. Um, we hosted an event on Saturday and one of my favorite things at the event is watching the people and as they're having conversations. And it's not watching the person who's talking, it's watching the person who's listening. Because the person who's listening is so intently following along this story that they're being told. And uh, uh, you're basically sharing who you are with someone and watching that recipient and how they're really fostering that connection is one of my favorite parts of it.
Chris Miller: That's the goal. Mhm yeah. To have that. They're both in the pocket, they're both exploring and discovering what all is being said. So can people buy the prompt cards?
Rachell Weiss: They cannot right now. That is the question we get. Um, we thought about it. We actually got all the facilitators together in Boston in December and we had talked about ways we could grow. Do we want to sell the card decks? Do we want to like what if we did an app or something like that and really expand the reach? And it was a lot of avenues that we could go down. But one of the things is we wanted to keep the card decks exclusive where you are connecting with people you don't know and uh, really exercising that social muscle through coming to the events. And so for right now, we keep them exclusive.
Chris Miller: Hey, that makes sense. Whenever they are no longer exclusive, we're going to do some giveaways over here. So let's go through some of the common questions about the event. All right? Someone may say this sounds like heaven for an extrovert, but not me. I'm introverted. Mhm so what would you say to.
Rachell Weiss: That person, the events for everyone? Um, introverted, extroverts, it can be anyone. The event is what you make of it. So, uh, um, we actually had someone who came on Saturday, which is relevant in my mind right now. It just happened. But we had someone come in and there was a lot of people there. We had a sold out event and after the event they came up to me and they were like I almost walked out. It was almost overwhelming with so many people there didn't want to do it. And uh, you have that anxiety creep up and telling you this is not for you. Um, and uh, they stayed and they absolutely loved it. And so they would describe themselves as an introvert and it may be a little bit more challenging for someone who is more quiet or reserved, but it's really good and the event is what you make of it. And so, ah, we have some guests who would describe themselves as an introvert and they might do two rounds and then they take a break and they just stand there, just relax and kind of let their mind just reset. And then they jump in for two more rounds. Um, or they get through half the event and they fill up their bucket with half the event and they leave early. And that's totally fine. And the event is 100% what you make of it. We want everyone to feel comfortable. Um, but one of the things that I like to hone in on, on the introvert and extrovert side is describing what an introvert and an extrovert really is. And an extrovert is someone who recharges by those social interactions and by connecting with people and um, doing things that are exciting and kind of your typical extrovert thing, right? Like it fills their bucket. That's me, I go to a Skip the Small Talk and I don't sleep for 2 hours afterwards. Like I can't go to bed right away because I'm just filled after the event. And you uh, have an introvert, an introvert recharges by having that self care time and by being uh, by themselves or with a small group of people. And so it doesn't mean they won't thrive at the event. They may feel not, um, as excited or charged after the event, but they can still have an amazing time. They just may need that time afterwards to recharge after the event.
Chris Miller: Yeah, that makes sense because for those introverts, they may feel very scared. But when they show up and that second or third conversation like, hey, this is actually a lot of fun. And then those extroverts are just kind of doing their thing, uh, with that.
Rachell Weiss: So part of Skip the Small Talk, I've gotten involved in a lot of other aspects of the organization and uh, one of it is to uh, create their facilitator training. And uh, when we talk to facilitators, we talk about their health as a facilitator. And uh, we talk about anxiety leading to an event and public speaking and all the different strategies you can do to prepare and feel more comfortable um, Ashley is the founder. Um, went through a lot of these when first hosting events because public speaking was not natural for her. And so we've developed a lot of strategies to help Facilitators. And I remember making this training and being like, this is so weird, this is natural for me. I just talk in front of people. This isn't a problem for me. I'm sure people experience that, but I couldn't connect to it and I couldn't relate to it. But I could understand where people would feel those anxieties. Like, uh, you're through the day and you're thinking any small thing like, let's just cancel it. We don't need to do this, let's just cancel. And I'm sure guests feel a lot of the same way, where it's like, I just won't go, I don't need to go. And so I couldn't relate to it. But then I had an experience. I started last fall, I started playing roller derby and completely new experience for me. Completely outside of my wheelhouse in every single way. And uh, right before my first match that I played in, I went through 100% of everything I described in this training for other Facilitators, I didn't want to go, I wanted to cancel. I felt nauseous. I was so nervous. Never been nervous before for any sort of public event. And I went through every single emotion that I had described in this training that was like, payback, I'm getting this payback right now. And uh, I uh, went through and I did it anyway. And I showed up and I had the most amazing time. And it's that anxiety, I describe it as activation energy. Like, you have to get over that hump. And when you get over that hump, you're golden. Um, and I think that Facilitators guests who come to skip the small talk, we all have that on some level. Some of the hump is a lot smaller for others, and it's easy to show up. Some it's more challenging. But most people we hear from are glad that they showed up anyway.
Chris Miller: Yeah, I identify with you, I enjoy it, I look forward to it, but I will get nervous. And some of the things that we enjoy the most, we get nervous about because we know that we enjoy it so much that we would hate for it to go awry. And this is a bit tangent here, but my nightmares aren't really about, oh, some bad car wreck or oh, some scary thing happening 90 m 9% of the time. What I have nightmares about are relational things that go wrong.
Rachell Weiss: Okay?
Chris Miller: So like, if I get in a really bad conflict with somebody, or if I do something and someone, uh, else feels betrayed or DA DA DA DA. And it I'm not a dream interpreter, but what that signals to me is I value relationships so much that sometimes the most perilous thing is whenever I have a relationship, just go down. So I put a lot of energy in there, I put a lot of value in there. Uh, but Roller Derbys entered the chat and skip the small talk. Interesting. Roller derby. Interesting. So now I'm battling some conflicting questions here, but you mentioned facilitator training, mhm, and strategies to deal with anxiety. Mhm, could you share some of those?
Rachell Weiss: Yeah, um, uh, so one of the things we talk about is being make sure you take care of yourself. Like your physical health is huge. Getting a good night's sleep, actually eating the day of because so many people can feel anxious before and then they just forget to eat. Drinking a ton of water is huge. And taking care of your voice, especially as a facilitator, is a big one. Um, and then we also think through just feeling prepared because the more prepared you feel, the more confident you are going into the event. So one of the strategies is, uh, doing physical exercise before you prep. So we have general norms and ground rules that we cover at the beginning of every event. It's like a ten to 15 minutes spiel that every facilitator goes through with all of the guests. And, uh, so we tell them as you're getting ready, as you're practicing, do jumping jacks for a minute and then do your run through out loud. And what it triggers is by doing the jumping jacks, you're raising your heart rate. And so you're actually telling your brain of like, I have to push through this a little bit harder and I have to work harder. So when you're at the event and your heart rate is higher because you're nervous, you're used to that and it's a lot easier to get through your facilitation. So we give them some strategies like that. Um, we also talk about taking time for yourself and meditation and really checking in and making sure that you feel good. Um, we talk about strategies of, let's say you had a bad day or something went wrong and thinking of actually visualizing taking that event or whatever happened, putting it into a jar, setting it on a shelf, doing the event, and then coming back to it. You can't just put it on the shelf and let it collect us. That's not the healthy way to handle it. Um, but letting it to where the event is a standalone thing and you can be present for the event, but then you can come back to whatever else is going on after the event. Um, but it helps you be more present in the moment.
Chris Miller: Love it. People can apply that to public speaking. They can apply that to whenever they're about to lead a meeting at work, mhm, whenever they're going to be at a trade conference and they're sitting at the table and there's strangers around them, absolutely prepping, planning. What's your personal public speaking preparation? Because I know you're doing a lot of speaking and leading meetings? Do you write out what you're going to say? Do you rehearse in a mirror? Do you time yourself?
Rachell Weiss: None of the above. I am very fortunate that public speaking is something that just comes naturally to me.
Chris Miller: You just show up.
Rachell Weiss: So I really will show up. I joke at work. Um, I don't know if I can cuss you can cut this, but I joke at work that I'm just really good at bullshitting. And as long as I have some level of context, I can get through anything and I, uh, can build rapport and charm my way out of it, and I'm good. So when it comes to public speaking, I really don't have that. But when it comes to other things where I'm not comfortable or it's out of my wheelhouse, like derby, um, it's more of thinking through what are some simple quips of, uh like, I remember I need to get in a line. I need to have a buddy. Um, it's three steps. And then I go and I do small, little lines of just reminding myself of some fundamentals. And I feel like those fundamentals really ground me of, I can do that. I can do that small thing. And if I do that small thing, I could add on another small thing, and then I might be doing the actual thing. Um, but that's it. When it's something that I'm not comfortable with, that is my go to have.
Chris Miller: You ran into a moment where you b s way too hard and you're in front of people and you're like, oh, boy.
Rachell Weiss: Definitely think of an example. Uh, I remember when I used to be a high school science teacher, and, uh, anytime I would get into content that I kind of got, but I didn't really know. So the best example is physics. I am not a physics person. And if you look at all of my background, it's all life sciences. And at one point, I had to teach physical science, which is half of the year is physics. Didn't realize that before I accepted the contract. Um uh but if they start asking me lots of questions and I would just run with it, that was before I felt comfortable like I was still a super young teacher. And it was before I felt comfortable being able to say, like, you know what? That's a good question. Let's look it up. Let's figure it out. And I would just run with it. And I'm sure I gave off these crazy physics concepts that are not true and would not happen. Um uh, but I ended up learning of, uh, how to handle those transitions. Even now in my job, where if they'll ask me something, um, I work in the world of compliance. Like, it compliance. And there are so many things that I don't know. And it's really easy for me, if they give me an out of the wall question, to say, hey, that's a really good question. Let me follow up with this team and I'll circle back with you. And uh, it's a skill that you hone in on of, uh, don't get yourself in that rabbit hole and uh, find who is the right resource.
Chris Miller: I find myself whenever I prepare and then I combine that, uh, with being able to be quick on the feet and things like that. That's whenever I'm truly at my best. But I like the pressure of not knowing what I'm going to say next. That's one of the things I love about conversations. And I personally really enjoy job interviews.
Rachell Weiss: Same.
Chris Miller: A lot of people are crazy. They think I'm crazy for saying that. But I love the suspense of not knowing what the next person's about to say.
Rachell Weiss: Mhm.
Chris Miller: And then if I can answer it, well it's like, and it's so cool to hear the difference in everybody. There are some people who they can't do that. They can't do any improv, but then there are some people who can do incredible improv. But the people who can't do improv are really good at this other stuff that these people suck at.
Rachell Weiss: Absolutely.
Chris Miller: So the fact that Skip the small talk gathers the general public HM. Rather than catering itself to, okay, let's contact STUCO, like the leaders of the group.
Rachell Weiss: Mhm.
Chris Miller: Or let's contact the people who are getting communication skills training. Like the people who feel as if they're so deficient that they need professional help. It's like, no, all of you all come and we'll see what happens. We'll see what it looks like. Uh, I have some, uh, roller derby questions, but anything. Let's, let's do a couple skip the small talk cards. Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that. So we are going to do, uh, should I read mine and then we both answer it?
Rachell Weiss: Or uh, we can each read both of our questions and then decide which one we want to answer first.
Chris Miller: Okay, you go first.
Rachell Weiss: So mine is tell me an antidote of you as a child that is somewhat representative of who you are today.
Chris Miller: Oh, that's a cool one. And then mine is tell me about and you were just talking about this. Tell me about at least one time you felt fear and did something anyway.
Rachell Weiss: Mhm?
Chris Miller: M. Okay, you were talking about this with roller derby.
Rachell Weiss: I was.
Chris Miller: And I'm going to answer this and then we're going to do yours.
Rachell Weiss: Okay.
Chris Miller: And the last time I felt fear and it's about talking to people, there was somebody who I wanted to talk to that I saw. It sounds tacky when I say this, but like a local celebrity. And I saw them around and I was like, man, this would be a really cool person to interact with. And my head lately has been like, oh, think about the conversation I could have with the podcast. But I saw that person and I did not want to talk to them. And that's my whole thing. And I left, and I was driving home, and I had my brother in law with me. And I was like, Bro, that's my thing. I'm the talk to people guy. And I'm chickening out that's loser energy to do that. So I drove back to the facility, and then I found him, and I went up there and initiated a call or a talk. Now, had he known the links, I went to talk to him. He'd be creeped out, but he won't know. And, uh, I was really grateful. I felt much fuller whenever I left, and I was glad I did that. Okay, so now hold on.
Rachell Weiss: We, uh, take this for a second. You went back?
Chris Miller: I went back.
Rachell Weiss: What did your brother in law think when you went back?
Chris Miller: Oh, he's supportive. He's such a good dude. He was like, all right. Uh, and he came with me. And then it was a I'm trying to think of how many details to fill in here before this person figures out. It was like a gym. Okay. So I, uh, was telling him, Jimmy, my brother in law, was like, hey, just work out a little bit more. Yeah. And I started working out, too, like, at an area that was near this person. And then it ended up being natural. Such, um, a funny story because it makes me seem quite odd, but that's how my brain operates, is, like, I love initiating interactions with people. And whenever I say that, there's good ways to do that. But that being said, whenever I backed out, I was nervous. Um, and then regarding your fear, how did your first roller derby match go?
Rachell Weiss: It was terrifying.
Chris Miller: Yeah.
Rachell Weiss: I, uh, feel like every time I put on skates, like, even practices, like, I'm terrified every single time. And it's so far out of my normal wheelhouse, and I just tell myself I'm going to do it anyway. And, ah, the, uh, thing that I reinforce over and over is I want to be comfortable being uncomfortable. So every time I put on skates, I'm uncomfortable. And I want to be comfortable in that moment to do it anyway and to push through. And I, uh, am so grateful I've done it. But it is still I mean, I've been doing it, oh, goodness, almost eight months now, and it's still the same feeling every single time. And we've had three matches now. I actually had one yesterday. And yesterday, uh, morning, I was tired. Like, very just physically, mentally tired. We had skipped the small talk the night before that ran late. I, um, was just a late morning, and I was really wore out. And I put on my skates. I was like, I'm going to do it anyway. I wasn't as nervous as I was the first couple of times, but I think I was just also very tired. So I think that just dampened my nervousness. But I got up there and I was playing the position, uh, I have kind of fallen into that I really like. And I felt like I just wasn't thinking right. I wasn't, uh, doing what I needed to do, wasn't getting through people like I should have. And so I switched gears and I was like, you know what, I'm just going to take people out and I'm going to knock people down and just, uh, feel more comfortable in my body and what I'm doing. And I know I can do this, so I'm going to start knocking people down. So I did. I basically became a bowling ball and I won most valuable blocker. It was awesome and so much fun. And it was really nice to be able to, uh, just again, go back to my ground rules of this is what I know I can do. Let's just do this and focus on this. And it definitely worked out in our favorite and it was fun overall. But every time I put on skates, I feel like I'm overcoming fear.
Chris Miller: And you got the MVB.
Rachell Weiss: I did get the MVV. We got a little trophy that was in My Little Pony. Little trophy. It was adorable.
Chris Miller: That is a good rule of thumb. Whenever you feel nervous or overwhelmed to go back to the thing that you know you can do mhm. And then reboot from there.
Rachell Weiss: Mhm.
Chris Miller: I like that a lot. I have a lot of questions about Rolode.
Rachell Weiss: Let's do my questions.
Chris Miller: Okay, go for it.
Rachell Weiss: So we have the antidote of you as a child that is somewhat representative of who you are today. So I had that initial reaction, I don't know, thinking of who I was, um, I think the biggest thing for me would be my connection to my family. So my immediate family is very close and, uh, uh, there's been a ton of things we went through as, uh, kids and living situations and whatnot growing up. And, uh, so being close to my parents is always really important and it still seems the same way today. So about five years ago, my family used to live all up here was my mom, my dad, my brother and his family. And my dad got a job offer down in Texas and so they moved. And uh, then my brother got a job offer at the same company and so they moved. So my whole family left. And, uh, that was very challenging because we were so tight knit and we were very close. But, uh, I was really worried, what is this relationship going to happen? Because they're not 8 hours away. Like, how do we make this work? And, uh, we still are very close. We, uh, figured out my mom and I talk on Marco Polo pretty much every day when I have my son. We FaceTime with them at dinner and we have dinner with, um, them almost every night that we are all together and we've maintained that relationship. And so that closeness of my parents being involved in my life and me being involved in their life is definitely something that's been consistent across the board. And it's gone through different shifts based on what phases of life we're in and where we're at geographically. But it's always maintained in importance. And even like yesterday, when I got the award, as soon as I got in my car, I Marco Poloed, my parents, and I was like, look what I got. Super excited to show them. And they're still part of my life and part of what's going on because I value that relationship so much.
Chris Miller: That's a great answer. And the way that you structured it, it wasn't just one thing. You laid a lot of different conversational threads there, mhm. And I still love that. You've only been doing it for eight months and you've already got that most valuable blocker. That's a really good sign.
Rachell Weiss: Granted, we give one out for every team at every game.
Chris Miller: I'm excited for your roller derbying future. But one thing that anecdote that I would say whenever I was a little kiddo would, uh, love recess. That was a highlight of my existence was being able to I wasn't drinking. It's so funny when you think about it, because I'm eating this food and then I'm drinking milk and, uh, for lunch, those little tiny milk cartons and then running around outside in the heat to play soccer. It's wild whenever I think back on that. But I was so quiet in class. I think I answered some questions. I was a pretty good student, straight laced, yet, uh, once I got out to recess, I was talking like crazy. Talking and talking and talking and talking. And I had stored all that up. And then as soon as I put that tray away and I got the clearance from the teacher and I was able to run outside, we had to run one lap before we could play any sports. So for that one lap, I started talking to people while I was walking with them, talking behind them. And I vividly remember one person being like, you talk so much. And it probably felt like I did talk so much then. But throughout the whole day, I really didn't talk that much during class. But I unloaded in recess. And that is a good illustration of, uh, the value I place towards like, I love sports, but then I get so much enjoyment from talking with others and that stuck around and I'm grateful for that. I've been having a hard time lately because I've been wanting to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger and get real big. But every time I go to the gym, I see people and I want to talk to them and I ask them questions. And then the second time around, they get more comfortable with me and then they start asking me questions. And whenever I talk to people at the gym. One of the things I notice is very rarely have I had someone be like, all right, bro, boom. And get back to working out. M, they want to talk. So their barbell will be up there and they'll be in the middle of a workout, but they'll be like, yeah. Uh, and people may hear this and be like, no, I'm all about lifting. But it's funny the way it actually works whenever you actually get in a conversation. Okay, I want to ask a roller derby question. What's the objective of roller derby? How do you win?
Rachell Weiss: So, uh, you have to score points by passing people. So you have briefly, uh, you have point scorers that get through the pack. So you have to pass people, lap them, and then when you, uh, pass them the second time, you score points. So both teams can score points at the same time. And uh, there's more to it than that. But it's basically that you have to get through all of the pack, pass them again, and that's when you score points.
Chris Miller: And then how does the blocking and the hitting and all of that work?
Rachell Weiss: Um, so, uh, there's legal blocking zones where you can hit like what's allowed and what's not allowed. But sometimes if you, uh, take someone out and it's okay, like, it's worth the penalty. It's kind of like hockey.
Chris Miller: What's the penalty?
Rachell Weiss: 30, uh, seconds in the box.
Chris Miller: Okay.
Rachell Weiss: My uh, first real game that we played, uh, you're not allowed to use your forearms and you really have to use the meat of your body and uh, you want to use more your hips and your shoulders. Um, uh, but you're not allowed to just whack someone with your forearm. Well, the first real game I played, I got three forearms within probably the first three jams.
Chris Miller: You formed somebody?
Rachell Weiss: Yeah, I formed somebody and I had to go to the box. So every time you have to go around the ring to get to the box and I would pass my family, that was all there every time. And they're like, again, I'm working on it. And uh, one of the things we say on teams is like, if you're not going to the box, you're not trying hard enough.
Chris Miller: Okay, so you can't extend your arm at all.
Rachell Weiss: You can so you can put your arms out to kind of feel where people are behind you. But uh, if they challenge it so if they come up and hit my arm, I can't stop them with my arm. So I would need to cut over to get my body in front of them knowing that they're there.
Chris Miller: Wow. And then how many people are on the track for one team at a time?
Rachell Weiss: Five for each team.
Chris Miller: Five for each team. And that's a busy and the track isn't. I wonder how big it is. Is it uh, like regulation?
Rachell Weiss: Like a certain size, it is regulation. So we play a rule set called USARs. And so I have no idea what the dimensions are.
Chris Miller: Is there a facility for that around here?
Rachell Weiss: Um, so normally around here, it's just played at, uh, skating rinks. And it's just literally your typical open skate. And they'll close down for the night and let us play. Um, so it depends on if they have relationships. I know in Kansas City, we have two different leagues and they play two different rule sets. So I play for Fountain City Roller derby. And, uh, we, uh, go there and, uh, we play at the, um it's now called Olarama Skating Rink and Independence. But it used to be the old.
Chris Miller: B and D M. When you go back to the penalty box, is it kind of like the walk of shame, or are people, like, cheering for you?
Rachell Weiss: Oh, no, it depends how good the hit was. It depends if it was worth it.
Chris Miller: Oh, no. So it sounds like people are getting laid out.
Rachell Weiss: Yeah, it's real fun.
Chris Miller: Oh, wow. So what protection are helmets, pads?
Rachell Weiss: Oh, yeah, you have helmets, wrist guards, elbow pads, knee pads. Um, falling is actually fun. It's one of the first things we learn in boot camp is how to fall successfully, or, uh, fall successfully and safely to make sure you don't get hurt. And, uh, so you fall down. It's not a big deal. You just get back up and you keep going because you got good pads. The worst part is if you, uh, fall backwards. So we have a saying of, uh, pick a cheek because you don't want to fall back on your tailbone. But that's, uh, really where you'll get really good bruises is if you fall backwards. If you fall forwards the way you're supposed to, it's totally fine.
Chris Miller: And how are you supposed to fall forwards?
Rachell Weiss: Um, so there's a couple of different types of falls that we talk about. Your common one, like in a game, you typically will do, um, an all four fall where your knees will hit and then your elbows will hit and you'll kind of go small. Yeah.
Chris Miller: Okay. And then, like you said, pick a cheek. Because when you're falling backwards, you want to turn one way because you don't want to layer in square.
Rachell Weiss: Yeah, that's how you break your tailbone.
Chris Miller: Oh, gosh.
Rachell Weiss: You don't want to do that. That's painful.
Chris Miller: How do you get involved with roller derby?
Rachell Weiss: Um, uh, so I actually had kind of an interesting journey. I went years ago. I used to work out with, uh, someone that they played roller derby, and they tried to get me to do it. And I was like, I have no balance. There's no way you're getting me on skates. I'm not going to happen. Give me a barbell any day. I'm good. Um, but no, I'm not playing. And we had gone to a match and we had seen it play, but we had no idea what was going on. And, uh, then years went by, didn't hear anything about it. I would cease post randomly, but nothing. And then last fall, uh, there's a Kansas City Ladies Meetup group. And, uh, we had gotten together with some gals at a bar and one of them played roller derby. And she, uh, was like, you should come out. We're doing an informational night just to learn about it.
Chris Miller: Brilliant.
Rachell Weiss: And, uh, you should come out and just see what it is. I think you could play. I was like, no way. And, uh, I also, uh, had another friend in a shared community that I knew played. No. At that point, I didn't know she played. And I went to hold on, back up because the storyline is kind of interesting. So I knew Knox, um, was my old trainer that used to play. Then I met Sisu and, uh, she invited me to info night. I go to info night just to see what the heck it is. And I walk up, they had these tables set up talking about all the different aspects of roller derby. And I walk up to this table and this girl's sitting there and she has a mask on. And so I couldn't really see her full face. And she goes, hey, I know you. And I was like, hi, I don't know how you know me. And, uh, I was like, I'm sorry, I don't recognize you. And she goes, you do skip the small talk, right? And I go, yeah. And she was like, I was at the event and I recognized your voice. And I go, oh, you had your ankle, um, your ankle was hurt. And she was like, yeah, that was me. And I was like, oh, cool. I didn't know you played roller derby. Come to find out, her and I are now really good friends because we had skip the small talk in common. Roller derby in common. We're also part of similar communities and so much overlap in our lives. And, uh, so that was kind of the kicker of, okay, I'm going to try it. Let's just give it a go and kind of see how it is. And, uh, they do a boot camp, which is, uh, like eight to ten weeks of teaching you how to play and teaching you all the basic skills. Because before my first practice, I have probably been on skates less than five times for recreational birthday parties. Like, nothing intense at all. And so they teach you how to skate, they teach you how to fall, teach you how to hit, how to do the strategy and everything. Um, and then I've been playing since then.
Chris Miller: Wow. What are the positions?
Rachell Weiss: Um, the jammer is in back, and they're the ones who are initially trying to take off and get through the pack so they can score points. And then you have the blockers are part of the pack. And then you have pivots up front. And the pivots are the unique position because, uh, they, uh, start out as defense, where you want to prevent the jammers from getting through just like a blocker. But if I am the white pivot and the black jammer has gotten through and is starting to lap everyone, I can take off after them and be the point score and be offense at that point. So, uh, pivots are the one that have to change. They start out as defense and then they turn to offense and, uh, then they can take off. And then at that point, when you have two point scores, everyone else is just blocking. They're trying to get their jammer through or their point score through to score points and stop the other one from scoring points.
Chris Miller: Okay. And then the blocker is literally getting up next to somebody and pushing them out.
Rachell Weiss: You can push them out of bounds, um, and then they have to reset behind you or you can knock them down because then they got to reset behind you and they're slower to get up. There's a lot of different we form walls where you get together with your teammates and you basically stop the people from getting in front of you and you're going across the track.
Chris Miller: Sonny walks up and checks out the wall. He's like, Let me get some skates.
Rachell Weiss: He goes, I want to be part of it.
Chris Miller: Yeah, right. He wants to be a part. Do you think roller derby is growing?
Rachell Weiss: Oh, absolutely. Um, uh, I want to say we had the biggest draft this year. We had probably 50 people in boot camp overall. Don't quote me on the numbers, but there was a lot of people in boot camp coming to try it out. Wow.
Chris Miller: So I had that wrestling coach on recently and he said that women's wrestling is one of the fastest growing sports in America. And it's so cool to hear about these different women's sports that are growing so fast. Mhm.
Rachell Weiss: We have, uh, four derby in this league. We, uh, just finished women's season, so the season is four months. We have one game a month, and that now we're starting all gender, so we do both.
Chris Miller: Wow. So I could join the roller derby.
Rachell Weiss: Totally. Good. It would be a bit of a drive for you to get over there, but you totally could.
Chris Miller: I think I'd get thrown around.
Rachell Weiss: You would be surprised. Yeah. I mean, roller derby is for everyone. Um, every body size. Everyone plays. Like you can see the whole spectrum and it's amazing.
Chris Miller: Wow. So one question I didn't ask, but I think it's important. How did you get involved with skip the small talk.
Rachell Weiss: Yeah. Um, uh, so I travel for work for my day job. And December of 21 I was in Boston and was, uh, there for work. But I'm someone who, when I travel for work, I refuse to just sit in my hotel room like, I'm going to go out and I'm going to do things, I'm going to connect with people. And so I was looking on Facebook for events to do, and I saw us skip the small talk, looked at the description, and I was like, yeah, sure, I'll go. So I go. I maybe had 45 minutes before the event starts, so I didn't really have time to ponder what it was or anything. And I show up to the event, and I had the most amazing time, and I absolutely loved it as a guest. And, uh, towards the end of the event, I went up to the facilitator who happened to be Ashley. I didn't know at the time who she was. And I, uh, was talking to them about the event. Talking about what it was expanding to other cities, and they told me they were looking to expand into other cities, but it was hard to find people who, uh, loved a public speak and talk in front of crowds. And I was like, Ashley, this is who I am. This is what I do. I used to be a teacher. I'm a corporate trainer. Let's talk. And so I gave her my contact information, and, uh, we, uh, ended up connecting via Zoom once I was home and started talking about facilitating events. And then it just went from there. And, uh, it was absolutely exactly what I needed at that time. Um, I met them in December and then in March, I actually got laid off from my job. And it was kind of a crazy couple of months for me. Um, I got laid off and then skip the small talk became kind of my primary thing that I was doing just to fill my time and started developing training for them and doing a bunch of stuff there. And then I started a new job and then got laid off again in June. And again, it filled my time and it gave me something to do. And it is my favorite hobby that I do now. And I think it was exactly what I needed. I needed to find it right at that point in my life. And I love it.
Chris Miller: Don't let your roller derby team hear you say that.
Rachell Weiss: I, um, love both. I love both for very different reasons, but they very much take up a lot of my time.
Chris Miller: Mhm one thing I'm hearing from you, and it's, uh, a thread from a few different things you said. You mentioned how you've been involved with roller derby and the Casey women's meetup and being active in communities. Is that something that you've always done, or yeah. How did that happen?
Rachell Weiss: No, um, that is a journey of itself. Who I am today is so wildly different than who I was 510 years ago. Um, I started out my first career was high school education, and I was a high school science teacher and my identity revolved around work. And I was a teacher and that's all I did. I worked all the time. I easily, uh, would put in 80, 90 hours a week and it was like, I remember being at the school and, uh, printing out copies, prepping for the next week and whatnot. And until like eleven at night, that was just normal for me. And I am very, uh, by trade. I'm an overachiever and I just wanted to be the absolute best. And so I put in a lot and it was my entire identity. And then I, uh, had my son and that was a big change when I, uh, went on maternity leave. And it was the first time I had never been stressed in my life and I didn't know how to handle it. I went right into heavy into postpartum depression because I was not stressed anymore. And I had a really easy baby and I was at home wow. And didn't know what to do. And, uh, when I went back to school the next year, it all came back like a tsunami. And, uh, that was when I realized I can't teach anymore. I need to switch, I need to do something else. So I left teaching after that year and I went into corporate training and that's kind of when I found some balance and having not working so much and just being home. But at that point, um, my ex husband would tell me, like, you don't have any hobbies? And I was like, yeah, I do, I do work. I like to read. And he didn't qualify reading as a hobby because it wasn't active. And I was like, it's totally a hobby. But reading was, uh, kind of the only thing I had, um, uh, but even then, I didn't really have an idea of who I was. And I had connections with my family, but I wasn't really active with a bunch of friend groups or anything. And, uh, at one point we opened our relationship and, ah uh, so that's a lot. A big part of the community I'm in now is I am actively Polly. And so, uh, with that, I started talking to people and started dating. And it was really the first time I had really dated. Um, my husband and I had met really early on when we were young. I got married when I was 19 and I had never really dated or whatnot. And people would ask, like, tell me about yourself or who are you? And I'm like, I don't know, I'm a corporate trainer, I'm a mom. And that's really all I had. And, uh, I was like, it really made me question who am I and what do I have that is for me? Um, and I went into, uh, this big thing of figuring out who I was and what do I enjoy, where are my passions, what do I put effort into? And realize I love to craft, I love to make homemade cards, I love to scrapbook and uh, scrapbooking side is more on the card side of things. Um, but it's connecting with people, it is finding community, it is building relationships and still being active. All of those things started to really hone in on what made me me and so then I started looking for avenues to grow that and uh, so finding the uh, Kansas City Ladies Meetup Group that was a way to connect with people and then that got me connected with Sisu which got me connected with Roller Derby. I'm very active in the poly communities and connecting with people and so finding different avenues there of meeting people. Um, and then that's pretty much what gave me the gumption to go to my first skips the small talk, like it's all connected together. But it was really this journey of, uh, figuring out who I was. Because before I used to define myself by what I did. It was what I did for others. I was a corporate trainer and I was a mom and uh, that wasn't really who I was. And it's been this process to really hone in on what makes me me and now work is a very small piece of that. I love my job and I love what I do but I'm a whole person outside of that and it's been a process to get there.
Chris Miller: Dang, that's a journey.
Rachell Weiss: It is a journey. It is a very long journey but it has, ah, been for the better and I've uh, never been happier than I am now.
Chris Miller: That's a good report. Mhm, I think more people need to be involved with stuff around them. I think that's one of the biggest downsides to the work, uh, life we have right now. It's the first question we ask and typically it's a question that we take a lot of value in is what we do for work.
Rachell Weiss: Mhm, one thing that I heard a couple of years ago I want to say it was a work environment is in the US. We have a trend of one of the first things you ask people is what do you do for work? Or how do you fill your days or whatnot? And it's, ah, one of the first baselines of conversation. If you go to Europe, um, or anywhere west, it's not, it is one of the last things they talk about. They talk about who you are and your uh, interactions and your family and your friends and your hobbies and they care about you as an individual. So when uh, like I said, I do training, I connect with partners and I run live sessions and one of the live sessions, the first one is always building rapport and I don't talk about work. I eventually will need to understand their organization and how they function but I want to get to know them as people um, and we find out they are like, you get the coolest thing traveling where they're at. There's a lot of people that travel around the world now and work, um, so, uh, where they're at, stories from that where they're going, vacations, um, if they just had a baby, if they are getting their wisdom teeth taken out on Friday, if we had, ah, one, tell us they were going through radiation. And you get to know people and you connect with them. And it's still a business environment. We have business transactions. But I care about you as a human. And that was one of the things that actually drew me to this organization when I was interviewing was, ah, when the recruiter got on the phone screen, he started out just talking like he's like, hey, I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself, and I'd love you to tell me about yourself. And he went on this whole thing about Hobbies that he had and he lived in Colorado and he's thinking about moving to the East Coast, but he couldn't decide yet. And he's kind of in that intern period, so he's trying some things out and he was like, I'd love to hear about you, but notice that I didn't say anything work related. I have your work history. I can look at all that. I want to know who you are.
Chris Miller: Come on.
Rachell Weiss: And, uh, that was something that really drew me to this of you care about me as a person and not just ads.
Chris Miller: Yeah, you're like, whoa, building rapport.
Rachell Weiss: Mhm.
Chris Miller: Okay, whenever you were talking about building rapport, you said a whole bunch of different questions. So is a lot of building rapport just asking open ended questions?
Rachell Weiss: Would you say it's giving the space to hear from them? It doesn't matter what questions it is or how you ask or whatnot it is, not giving them your standard of you can start out kind of small, like where are you based? And especially in a virtual environment. And then have you been there your whole life? What's your favorite things you've explored? Um, or what's the coolest thing you've done lately? Or anything like that. And you can dive into questions from there. And it's giving them the space though that it's okay to have these conversations. It's okay to spend 15 minutes in a 30 minutes call just connecting as humans. Because I know in the business world that's going to make me stand out as you're going to remember interacting with me because I cared about you, not just what you could do for me.
Chris Miller: Wow, that's awesome. I want to go to a corporate training and learn about building rapport. Do you have any helpful books or any resources that you'd recommend people look into?
Rachell Weiss: Um, the best book there's so many books. Um, the best book that I have read lately that has kind of summarized my mantra in life is the power. Of Moments. I can't tell you who the author is off top of my head. I could if I looked it up. But we got the title The Power of Moments and it is all about making your life full of memories that make your life worthwhile. And actually, one of my next tattoos planned is, ah, based on that concept. Um, have you ever seen the movie Inside Out?
Chris Miller: I wanted to see that movie.
Rachell Weiss: You haven't seen it yet?
Chris Miller: No. I'm laughing because I was at a group and they were like, oh, this is like whenever Blank died and Inside Out and they were all laughing and everything. I was like, oh, I've actually never seen that movie. And they're like, oh, well, we just spoiled it. But I definitely want to see it because I'm such a geek about or I nerd out whenever it comes to emotional agility and being aware of what's going on and what's happening.
Rachell Weiss: So it's a great movie. It's really good. Um, but one of the things in there is that the balls that are in there, the different colored balls, are memories. And I went to Disneyland a couple of years ago and someone was wearing a shirt that said, today is a core memory. And I was like, oh, that's really cool. And it inspired this tattoo that I want where I want to do kind of those balls in an artistic view. I don't want a Disney tattoo, but I want to do the artistic where it says live every day. Like you're making core memories. And, uh, that's a really big thing for me. And The Power of Moments talks about how your life is defined by these memories, these moments that are really important to you. And something that really stood out to me in that book is, um, they did a study where they did a slide deck and it was the same brown shoe. So you saw a brown shoe for 2 seconds and then you could see it switch. You saw the brown shoe for 2 seconds. Brown shoe, brown shoe, brown shoe, red shoe, brown shoe, brown shoe, brown shoe. And, uh, no matter what, the slides were only 2 seconds long. And they asked the participants of, uh, well, what stood out? And they're like, oh, the red shoe. It's like, well, how long do you think you saw the red shoe? And they're like, oh, it was on there for like 10 seconds. And what, uh, they didn't realize is it was the same time period for every single slide. But the red shoe was different and so it stood out. And, uh, how they applied that to your life and making Moments and Memories is a lot of people in their life, they will remember ages like 16 to 32 as like the best times in their lives. And the reason why is because you have, uh, unique experiences. You get your driver's license, you get your first car, you graduate high school, you go out on your own, you go to college, you get married, you have kids, you buy your first house. All of these are Red Shoe moments, right? They're really big moments in your life. But the idea of the book is you shouldn't just let those things be Red Shoe moments. You should design your life to be full of Red Shoe moments because that's how you make your life feel like it's not just passing day by day. You have these experiences that solidify in your mind, uh, of these amazing things that make time just not fly by. And, uh, that's kind of my life philosophy. I, uh, want to have Red Shoe moments. I want to live, and that's what I want to live every day.
Chris Miller: That's beautiful. The Red Shoe moment.
Rachell Weiss: Mhm.
Chris Miller: And it echoes what you said about inside out with core memories. Right.
Rachell Weiss: It shouldn't just be your big defining things that stand out. You should find something every day that really stands out and that make life worth living.
Chris Miller: Wow. Uh, so now I want to go to a book session that you're leading. Corporate training. Roll the derby, skip the small talk. Book session. There's a lot of good stuff there. All right, I have two more questions for you and then we're going to conclude with another card, okay? All right, question one is, what is something you wish more people knew about you?
Rachell Weiss: Mhm.
Chris Miller: That'd be a good card one. Maybe you already have that as a card.
Rachell Weiss: Um, uh, there's some like that, but I don't think there's one definitive to that. But even with the card decks, there's like, the childhood anecdote one. I've never seen that one before. I've never read through the whole card deck. Um, so something I wish people knew about me is I am pretty much open to anything. I will try almost anything, and I will have very strong opinions about things that I do because I think it's fun to have opinions on things. It's fun to talk about and whatnot and, uh, ponder on events or things that you do. But, uh, even if I'm uncomfortable, I will have strong opinions and joke about it and whatnot because I'm uncomfortable and I'm processing being uncomfortable, but I thrive when I'm uncomfortable and I like being put in situations like that, and I like being challenged. Kind of like I said earlier, uh, I want to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I, uh, think it's a skill. And I love exercising that muscle.
Chris Miller: That's awesome. And then what is a question you wish I would have asked?
Rachell Weiss: M I feel like we covered so much.
Chris Miller: It's funny. I will have so many questions whenever I hit Done that I'm like, man, I could have learned so much from her had I asked this one question.
Rachell Weiss: Um, I actually would flip it back to you and I would say out of the experiences and things that I talked about. What was the thing that you found the most intriguing that you, uh, would like to explore more into?
Chris Miller: I have m some notes here. Whenever I hear you say things, I love what you said about the Power moments, the Reggie moments, and the core memories whenever you were talking about extroversion or extroverted and introverted Activation Energy. Mhm, that concept is interesting to me. Yeah, like thinking about that.
Rachell Weiss: So that actually saying that makes me think like, I wish we would have dived into a little bit of Activation Energy. Can we do that now?
Chris Miller: Go for it.
Rachell Weiss: So I used to teach chemistry, and this is a, um, thing in chemistry, but I've applied it to a lot of different things in my life. Say, uh, water is H 20, right? It's hydrogen and oxygen. But if you were to take a container and put hydrogen and oxygen in there as gases, you're not just suddenly going to get water. The gases are going to be around each other. They have to collide enough to actually form water. Otherwise they're just going to exist together. So, uh, that amount of energy that it takes to get them to collide together to form water, that's Activation Energy. So if you look at it on a graph, it goes, not going to happen. Not going to happen. No water. No water. Okay, we hit water. And that's the activation energy. And so I take that concept and I apply it to a lot of different things of what? Uh, different exercises or activities. How much Activation Energy is it going to take? And some things take a uh, much smaller Activation Energy than others. So, uh, like going to the gym every morning, probably a low Activation energy. Waking up at 545 to go to soccer, low Activation Energy. But let's say you have to go give a presentation in front of 1500 people. For some people that's a super high Activation energy. And each person is different. And you have different activation energies for different activities and ah, so it is. What does it take to hit that Activation Energy where you can follow through on that? Um, and if it's so much of a barrier where you won't do it, how do you make it to where either the Activation Energy is less, maybe you go with a friend and it's easier to go, um, or how do you work on those skills to be able to accomplish that?
Chris Miller: Wow. So whenever I think of Activation Energy, I think of, uh, a drawing of a line 45 degree angle going up. Mhm, and then there's another line that's just a horizontal line. And this 45 degree angle is going, going for a really long time. But not until it passes that horizontal line can you actually see it. Mhm, and it makes me think of all of the little things we do before water, water, water, water. But then we get water right m, and anything you can apply that to, right? The creative pursuits, the relational pursuits, the professional pursuits. I love that idea. And it's also a really good idea of like you said, everybody's different. So that big speech may require a whole bunch of activation energy from that other person compared to you. You may go up there and you're like, I'm not uncomfortable enough. I intentionally want to mess up a few times to make it feel weird and then power through that activation, uh, energy. Okay, give us two cards.
Rachell Weiss: Two cards. We're going to pull out of the middle again.
Chris Miller: We're cutting from the middle. This is like I went to Las Vegas recently and they're like, all right, you go ahead and cut it. So. Oh, I like it. All right, I'm answering and I'm going for it. You ready? Okay, what are some things about yourself that you hope never change? And some things so I'll give two. The first being my intrigue with other people. I hope that never changes. I want more people to be intrigued by the people around them. And from that I want the byproduct to be conversation, friendship, and relationship. And then another thing. What's something about yourself that you hope never changes? And that's ambition. I want to continue to be ambitious and do things that may not seem the most calculated, but even if I go broke and it don't work, then I'm grateful I did it. Um, and then the other thing is I want to be really responsible for the heartbeats that live in my life. So I think of the dogs, I think of the people, I want to be able to take care of them as well as I can. So those are some things. So let me ask you, what are some things about yourself that you hope never change?
Rachell Weiss: Um, the biggest one that stands out for me is that I hope to always continue trying new things and being open to have my mind changed on things and push myself in that aspect. But a big one that stands out is, ah, I hope to never lose any sort of hope for humanity. And people want to connect with others and people genuinely have everyone's best interests at heart. I, um, think that's something that you see a trend and this is something Skip the small talk does for me every time when I go to events is seeing people who genuinely care about others. Even though you've never met, you don't have, you may have nothing in common with them, which is not always true. People always find something in common with someone else. But, uh, being willing to open yourself up and be vulnerable and listen to other people's stories, I want, uh, to see that continue. And I don't ever want to feel jaded in a way to where I don't think that's possible anymore.
Chris Miller: Yeah, optimism, love, mhm, it you talk about openness a lot I wonder, you know, the Ocean Personality Assessment, have you heard of that?
Rachell Weiss: No.
Chris Miller: It's a five figure openness to experience conscientiousness, extroversion, introversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. And then everybody's on a different continuum on those. And as far as a universal personality scale, it's supposed to be one of the most reliable, but that first one of openness to new opportunities. I'm curious as to where you'd land.
Rachell Weiss: Probably pretty high.
Chris Miller: Right? In my mind, I'm thinking like, boom, like all the way up there. All right, what did you draw?
Rachell Weiss: Okay, I drew another kid. One. Um, it was that what are some things you loved about yourself as a child that are still true todayfulness?
Chris Miller: I love being playful. Mhm, in the future, I'm going to have a conversation with somebody and their whole enterprise is all about being playful. And they travel to different organizations and give keynotes about implementing Play into work.
Rachell Weiss: Yes.
Chris Miller: Yeah, because a lot of these organizations who focus on efficiency so much, they don't think about that off time where people can joke around and make the mhm story or whatever that lets people breathe and then gets back to work. So being playful and then, uh, I think I really enjoy animals because I grew up with animals and I feel a lot of pressure. Not pressure, but I think about dogs. And if anybody owns a dog, they only get on average, like twelve summers in their whole entire life. Mhm, so it's like, well, let's make every summer the best one. Uh, so that's kind of sad, but at the same time it's like precedence, importance of value.
Rachell Weiss: Mhm. Yeah, I'm with you on the loving dogs. Dogs are my favorite. Um, having your buddy here to pet has been great.
Chris Miller: He's awesome. He did bark once.
Rachell Weiss: He did.
Chris Miller: You're being really insightful, so that's just going to have to roll with it.
Rachell Weiss: But yeah, he's totally fine. I, uh, think, uh, when I think of things about me as a child, so something, uh, that sticks out is my mom would always tell me that I was born to be a mom and I was always helping her with babysitting other kids. I was always playing with dolls, I was always doing all that stuff. And then I almost didn't have my son. We had to go through IVF to get pregnant. And that's a whole story we didn't get into. I, um, actually did it in Greece. It's crazy.
Chris Miller: Wow. Did you travel there for that?
Rachell Weiss: We did.
Chris Miller: Wow.
Rachell Weiss: Um, uh, that's a whole different story. But, uh, I uh, love having my son, but I am not the mom persona that my mom thought I would be. And it has actually triggered a lot of conversations between us where I have now kind of found that balance of I have me as an individual and I have myself, but I'm also a mom, and I love my son, and he's great, but I still have me. And who I am as a human is not just being his mom. And so that was something that I feel like that nurturing aspect of caring for my son was there as a child. And I feel like that rings through today. But that has changed in a way to where it's not who I am, it is a piece of who I am. But I still have my personality outside of that and I am grateful. You hear a ton of people when they have kids of you lose yourself in having kids and I'm grateful. Even though he's still young, I've kind of found that what is the being mom? What is the being me and how can I keep those two in check, but, um, also still be a great mom.
Chris Miller: Are you fascinated by identity? Is that absolutely, yeah. I feel like we can unpack a lot of things to learn and concepts and just that whole entire process, um, really well. But before we go, let's promote what's happening here in Lawrence. So, Skip, the small talk is coming to Lawrence. Well, it's been in Lawrence, but it will be in Lawrence. What are the dates, what are the times?
Rachell Weiss: We have may 30 is the next date and it is, ah, from six to eight at RPG. Um, RPG has been an amazing venue having here. Absolutely. They love the mission and it's very parallel to what they do as the organization, having all the board games and getting people together. So as soon as we connected, we're like, we have to explore this. This is just to align, not to so, uh, we've had two events so far. This will be our third one. Um, and that one is on a Tuesday. But we are switching because they aren't going to be open on Tuesdays anymore. So in June we will switch to a Sunday. Um, so, uh, we are going to move to a Sunday afternoon of having events here in Lawrence. We don't have the date picked for June yet. I'm working with the team right now to get that done. But all of our events are posted on Skipsmalltalk.com. And you can see we have events in Lawrence at RPG. We also are hosting events in Overland Park at Bare Necessities. Um, we actually had an individual come to the event on Saturday and they're from Lawrence and they had heard about it in Lawrence and they knew the event wasn't until May 30. And ah, they were like, I know if I don't go to one soon, I'm not going to go, so I.
Chris Miller: Need to go soon.
Rachell Weiss: So they came to the event in Overland Park Saturday night because they wanted to go to one quickly. And uh, they absolutely had an amazing time. So we'll see them again in May, which was awesome. So, uh, everyone's welcome at all the events. But we host once a month in.
Chris Miller: Overland Park and in Lawrence, a fellow Lorenzian stepping up.
Rachell Weiss: Yes, they came all the way out.
Chris Miller: It was amazing answering the call, so I will be there. May RPG, that's on Mass Street, so I would love for others to be there, and I'll see you there. Thank you for being here, Michelle. This was a lot of fun. Um, and I'm super excited for the future of Skip the Small Talk and the Talk to People podcast and Skip the Small Talk, we are all about getting people to connect, so I'm grateful for this natural connection and yeah, absolutely.
Rachell Weiss: I, uh, look forward to hearing more podcasts where you meet people at Skip the Small Talk and they come here and share their story with everyone. Um, that would be absolutely amazing.
Chris Miller: Okay, well, let's get it done. Well, folks, we'll see you next time. Thank you.