Questions the bedrock of any good conversation because they allow us to create something out of nothing.
Have you ever been in a conversation that comes to an absolute dead end? This happens a lot, so my guess is that you have been there. The beauty about questions in conversation is they are what can get us pass that dead end, but they also may be what brought us to that dead end.
Typically you are going to be using a question to start a conversation. For instance, here are some common questions that people use to initiate conversation:
- How are you?
- How's your day going?
- Whatsup?
- How'd ______ go?
- How's *insert someone's name* doing?
- Where have you been?
We could go on, but the point is that questions serve as a platform for the conversation. If I ask about your family member, then more than likely, we'll start talking about your family member. If I ask about how your event went last week, then we probably won't start the conversation by talking about your family member.
So - whatever you ask typically determines what gets talked about. If you ask about a subject, conversation will follow that subject. If you don't ask about a subject, conversation (more than likely) won't follow that subject. This may sound commonsensical, but, on average, the content of our conversations are determined by the questions we ask.
Think of it like an art gallery.
At an art gallery:
- There are several pieces of art available to display.
- The curator chooses what to hang on the walls and what gets seen.
- If the curator decides not to hang a piece of art, then it will not be enjoyed, appreciated, or hated.
A question functions similarly - questions curate conversation. What you ask determines what gets brought forth, and each person is a gallery full of potential art to display. When you ask about a person's childhood, you are showcasing what they used to be like as a kid and bringing that to light. But, there is a trade off. We only have limited time and we can only bring so much to light.
Think of yourself as a curator when you're in conversation and let that guide your choice of questions. What you ask determines what gets showcased.
The way you can apply this is to think of your questions as choosing what to display in an art gallery. If your conversation went well and you got everything you wanted done, then it would look like a complete art gallery.
Apply this to each conversation - if you are planning to have a conversation with a big client, then what are things you need to explore? I imagine variables like budget, timeline, or expectations need to be explored, so showcase those things. If you're having a convo with a friend, what are things that need to be explored? Showcase those things.
Thinking of yourself as a curator and viewing questions as tools that decide what gets showcased will give you a foundation to rely on. With this foundation, you will feel more confident talking to people and having conversations that matter.
See you next time!
Chris
