Top Ten Rules to Share Your Thoughts Confidently

This weekend I asked over 3,000 people what’s one thing that would help them communicate.

Their answer? CONFIDENCE.

So I sat down and created a comprehensive guide that I believe will help people share their thoughts confidently and clearly.

I’m going to share them all below, but if you’d like a more in-depth PDF version of these rules then you can download it: https://talk-to-chris-miller.ck.page/cb26940610

If you’d like to listen to me walk through these rules and give practical examples, then you can listen to today’s Talk to People Podcast episode here: https://www.talktopeoplepodcast.com/62-ten-rules-to-share-your-thoughts-confidently/

TEN RULES

1. START WITH A GOAL - turning your thoughts into words is like shooting an arrow at a target. You have to know what you're aiming at. Here are some example goals:

   • INFORM - add information that is new to the other person

   • PERSUADE - get the person to change their mind

   • ENTERTAIN - bring levity, fun, or jest to someone

   • INTRODUCE - meet someone for the first time

      

2. HAVE A WHY - peel the layer back behind your goal to reveal your reasoning. This will give you the fuel to push beyond social awkwardness or discomfort. Answer these questions to find your WHY:

   • PERSONNEL - why am I talking to this specific person?

   • OUTCOME - why do I want this specific outcome?

   • IMPROVE - why am I wanting to get better socially?

   • URGENCY - why now and not tomorrow or next week?

    

3. FEAR THE RIGHT THING - fears you should unsubscribe from: awkwardness, embarrassment, pausing, or stuttering. Fears you should subscribe to: not adding value, being distracted, being incoherent, or not keeping things simple.

   • Instead of using our energy towards what we could do well, we often think most about what could go wrong.

      

4. MAKE ROOM FOR THOUGHT: You're not in a movie, there won't be a perfect script. Give yourself grace and don't beat yourself up if you feel speechless. Here are three ways this hurts us:

   • We feel worse about ourselves if we don’t know what to say.

   • We avoid saying things that don’t sound punchy or perfect.

   • We give ourselves less room to explore in the moment.

    

5. BE ADAPTABLE: Humans are unpredictable, relationships are hard, and emotions are real. But you're better off to play the game than be alone, regretful, and unspoken for. Here are four truths we must swallow:

   • No matter what we say - we may not be able to fix a bad mood.

   • No matter how well we say something - it may not be heard.

   • No matter how careful we are - we may be misinterpreted.

   • No matter how convicted we feel to speak - we may not step up.

    

6. STUDY OFTEN: Hindsight is 20/20, someone else's experience is free. Replace "I should have" thoughts with "next time I will" thoughts. Here are four things you can learn from others:

   • How do they start convo?

   • How do they make a person feel comfortable?

   • How do they share hard news?

   • How do they disagree?

    

7. LEAVE THE COMFORT ZONE: Your social muscles will grow under stress - it's time to exercise. You'll know you're growing when you want to keep your social muscles under stress. Here are four ways to exit your comfort zone:

   • Cold call a friend or family member and ask if they have a moment to catch up.

   • Go to your town square and don’t sit down until you strike up a conversation with a stranger.

   • Volunteer to present first in class, at work, or in your charity organization.

   • Host a webinar for a skill you have and invite people you respect.

    

8. KNOW YOUR BATTERY: We are all socially charged and depleted in different ways and at different rates. Find harmony. Here are ways to know how to charge your battery:

   • SETTING: in what social settings do you feel most energized?

   • PEOPLE: who do you feel most energized talking to?

   • CONTENT: what do you feel most energized talking about?

    

9. KEEP IT SIMPLE: Hitting one target is much easier than hitting three - keeping your message simple maximizes its effectiveness. Here are three examples of someone doing too much:

   • After being the subject of a scathing documentary, Dan Schneider made a video where he was simultaneously apologizing for his acts and excusing himself of his acts.

   • In response to the 2024 State of the Union, Senator Katie Britt gave a stern speech to criticize the President, while simultaneously joyfully sharing about her mom’s dance studio.

   • Many of my first sales calls were me trying to sell podcast production while simultaneously trying to sell one-on-one communication consulting.

    

10. SOW NOW, REAP LATER: Implement these tips when you're thinking about them so that you'll use them when you're not. Here’s what we’ve established:

    • Talking to people is worth it.

    • Sharing your thoughts is crucial in being fulfilled.

    • Having a goal in mind will help you be a clear communicator.

    • It’s OK to be awkward - but it’s not OK to be distracted.

    • You won’t be as clear and confident when you’re socially drained.

    • It is OK not to know what to say in the moment.

    • Your growth as a communicator will happen most outside of my comfort zone.

    • Humans are unpredictable social creatures.

    • You can learn from each conversation you have and make the next one even better.

Let me know your favorite!