When asked, "what can I do to get better at making friends?" Dr. Jeffrey Hall said:
There’s three things. First, taking rejection - if the person says no, keep going at it. Even if they say "no," or "not now," or "I’m too busy," or "I’d love to but not this week," or if they don’t return your call or text. Keep at it.
So the number one skill is accepting that it’s not going to work out every time you ask someone to do something with you. Resilience in that way.
Second is, if you get somebody in conversation, get better at asking questions. Get better at being able to wait for them to continue to talk rather than to use it as a platform for you to say the next thing. I am as guilty of this as the next person.
But if you really take time to ask people questions and wait for them to answer, they’ll often tell you all types of interesting things. But you have to be patient for that.
And the third is recognize that there is a dynamic process that doesn't just involve you. Get better at the idea that people are gonna suck, they’re gonna be disappointing, they’re gonna say things you don’t agree with, they're gonna have different attitudes, they may be off-putting or say something mean sometimes.
But, if every little incident sent us to the toilet of friendship, we wouldn’t have any friends. And frankly, if people treated us that way, We wouldn’t have anybody at all, because we’re all imperfect and we all make mistakes.
So we have to hope that other people will see us as valuable people despite the fact that we make mistakes. So, see your friends as being complex people who have mistakes inherit to them and care for them anyway.
